i had a realization dat i've not blogged for a very very long time sia.. it doesnt make my blog any more interesting. doesnt match my blogskin's theme. not wonderful enough. haha!

kie la.. let's talk abt np's open hse now.. not as good as wad i've expected it to be.. but acceptable la.. i knew wad im interested in or not. early childhood is out. business is out. sci too hard to get in. maybe 40% of the engineering courses are in. and IT courses too. im having mma in mind now. might be putting dat as my first choice :)

and abt my trip to hk. i just found out even cheaper airfares! sickening leh. i just bought my airtickets on mon or tue. den now say buy one, two to go. cos of valentine's day. crap la. next time i must wait for special occasions, like chinese new year, national day, youth day, children's day etc. nevertheless, airtix are settled now. i'll call god mum to check if she's willing to do hotel reservations and payment for 5 helpless young ladies who'll be landing in Hk this march. haha. i'll email my uncle closer to the date bahx. dunno why i feel like procrastinating. haha. maybe becos the airtix gave me too huge a blow. i shld have waited longer. aiya.

now, the best part of life each week........
work! i cant wait for work each week man! haha. cos........ haha. haha. haha. haha. im once again attracted to some guy at work! but cant really guarantee dat i'll be able to see him everytime i go to work. cos he's a bar man cum midnight staff bahx( i think). so i dont think i can see him when there's no dinner or lunch functions. cos there's no need for a bar! i can still rmb vividly the conversations we had. he asked me abt one table's setting, the coffee cups' setting. the time when we were in the lift tgt. he taught me how to be a lift lady.. must say, welcome to third level!, orchard hotel's kitchen. thank you and have a nice day! haha, he's super funny sia. at least i find him funny. loved every moment when im near him, where he stays within my sight. the times when i asked him abt table cloths, red wine, orange juice, orange without ice, hard liqour (he and his partner laughed hard at me when i asked for it sia. SUPER paiseh, cos i dunno the special terms for it, like brandy on the rock or wad la. i dunno man.), coffee cups(cc), teaspoons(t), saucers(s). oh my goodness! i still rmb dat night, when i hafta get more cc, t and s. he knows where they could be found, and he directed me the way to get. and as i took 2 steps forward, back facing him, den!, he hold me in the shoulders and said he'll get it for me... and he hurried alway. at dat moment i was super shocked man! i've really never seen guys dat Man towards me in the hotel except yee siang la. but yee siang's case is becos he brought me into dat career. hmmm. no one helped me get stuffs or wdv before. *impressed* dat's why im soooo attracted to him. haha. only liling knows it best. waa, i've already kept it short, but i still think typed too much liao. but there's too much yet to be kept in this blog of remembrance. haha.

it's always so sweet when u've found sum1 dat u admired. happy moments in each brand new chapter. but as ur impulsiveness grows... confessions might aroused. mutual understanding gets deeper. and if it's not successful, u'll feel like how u wish dat u've never met this guy before. i've dat experience before. but bo bian la. u just gotta try.. who knows? haha!

im glad i've found one guy to occupy my thoughts and to brighten up my life during work. dont worry cc and ll, u guys brightened up my life at work too! haha

hmmm. anymore to add in?

i'll leave it to the next time bahx

I cant wait for sch to start man!
cant stand the boredom anymore.
home alone.
work alone.

SIAN AR!

but. i do have a new purpose in working. i gotta save up for hk! hahahahaha. for our wonderful, fascinating trip this coming march. although there're lotsa stuffs unplanned and unsettled. but at least the work is moving on.

Air-ticket. hotel. credit card payment. tix for the theme parks.

*headache*

hmmm. but for now.. i'll just work hard to save up more bahx.

(^___________,^)

*Onson Li Yip On*

im afraid dat...
you wont be appearing in my dreams anymore.
your name wont be appearing in my mind anymore.
your name wont be appearing in my inbox anymore.
your face wont be appearing in my mind anymore.
your voice wont be heard by my ears anymore.
your eyes wont set on me anymore.
your mind wont be even slightly occupied by me anymore.
your concern wont be on me anymore.
your heart wont consider me anymore.

i hope for the day dat..
your news wont capture my attention anymore other than a good friend.
your appearance wont mean anything to me other than a good friend.
your existence wont mean anything special to me other than a good friend.
your name wont be the only thing dat comes out of my mouth other than a good friend.
you are no longer in my heart.

I wont be future Mrs Li anymore liao!! as how i've always dreamed myself to be. after 20 mths, 4 times of confessing, i finally knew wad he's thinking in his heart.

i finally knew wad he's ans. Onson. the name dat i've mentioned 500 times each brand new day in my heart and mind. he treats me only as his good friend. im not ideal enough for him to be attracted to me bahx. mmmm. kinda knew it all along after prom night. im only his good friend. i shldnt have unshakened my mind to pin hopes on him when he messages me every night during Jan. but i did. but i didnt meant to give him so many stuffs becuz of all the wrong ideas he gave me previously. i gave him cuz i really wanna give him smth. but i dont think dat's wad he thought. i've made my promise to stopped all this.

i used to say to myself, and like i always did, wishing upon a shooting star....., i really wanna know how he feels towards me. i dont mind even if he dont like me, i can also take it. as wad onson said, he's positive that the magic of shooting stars will do its wonder. it finally came true, in this Christmas.

in all my wishes, i included him greatly. wad can i wish for in the future? i can say im quite used to him.

how am i gonna tell everyone? (without crying....)

wad am i gonna do with ur messages? (with all the memories u gave me...)

*Onson Li Yip On*

i would wanna steal some1 to replace his place in my heart.

wont be talking abt him after today. even if i do, i would be speaking of him in a position of a good friend.

I CAN DO IT!

(wad a time to get rejected on Christmas day.. hahahahaha)

phine phine's last day of work in Rp.

but actually, now right... change of plan. i'll be going back to Rp during Jan 2 days every week. continue this plan up to the moment i wanna quit or when sch starts or stuffs la. not bad not bad, at least it's not really considered as my last day in Rp.

mmmm. Banquet in orchard hotel has been interesting for me!
on my first day, i was a drink server for normal tables.
second day, food server for normal tables.
third day, drink server for muslim and normal tables.
forth day, food server for muslim tables.
fifth day, buffet
sixth day, Food tasting.

met new ppl every time i work. it's definitely a job dat will interest me. but! ever since the first day i work, my eye bag was swollen. aiyo, cant wait for my eye bag to be fully recovered. paiseh ar.. even if liling din warn me of my mistake, every1 of u might thought dat my eye is really be FULLY REMOVED! dat's a major surgery liao la. hmmm, hopefully, when holiday comes, the 5 maskertiers(ll, hl, xl, cc and me) will work tgt in the hotel again. FUN FUN FUN!

Counting down..
1 day to seeing Onson
3 days to going Philippines
10 days to going for the eye surgery
31 days to christmas
32 days to seeing my 2 bros!
34 days to going Hong Kong

sob sob sob sob sob.

i look super horrible with my swollen eye bag sia.

aiyo

went to the doctor last thurs, the doctor straight away suggests dat i shld straight away go to consult the eye specialist for a surgery to get it removed. he said, dont waste time applying ointment and taking medicine. whoa. i cried the whole afternoon sia! still cant accept the fact dat i'll soon be under going a MINOR SURGERY! hahahahaha. im making a mountain out of a molehill. but im still afraid. and the thing is, i still hafta hang in there with this horrible eye for roughly 2 more weeks! sickening leh. by the time my eye is fully removed, it will be the 9th week liao.. i really feel dat my year 2006 is a super suay year. i hope 2007 will be better.

Phine phine!

whoa. u cant believe it man. ever since my first job, i've earned roughly S$3000 sia!! incredible. but now, im broke. SOMETHING IS WRONG WITH ME MAN. how did i spent them all? let me recall abit.....

• 6680 Hp (S$360)
• Phone bills (roughly 11 or 12 mths. approx S$500-S$600)
• HK trips (2 Trips, S$340)
• JC notes and Books (S$100)
• Tithing (10% of wad i've earned S$300)
• Philippines Airfare (S$400)
• Lin Jun Jie's concert tix (S$70)
• Facial Mask, shampoo, soap etc (approx S$120)
• Accessories (approx S$100-S$120)
• Clothes (approx S$200-S$250)
• Food (roughly 4-5mths, S$too hard to estimate leh)
• Kbox! (roughly 10 trips S$120)
• Shoes & Bags (S$50)
• Buy or renting of CDs and VCDs (approx S$130)
• Movies (I only know alot alot alot alot alot.....)

Should be roughly roughly there la.. you know my memory not dat superb. hehx. die la.. i think i like anyhow anyhow spend my money. no savings at all.. but even if i save my money, also for a purpose, like shopping and entertainment all those. so it's back to square again. wad to do. i wanna start saving money....as in, the long term type... im not sure whether can i make it, but i'll definitely give it a try. at this stage, i save up my money, not because of the future like marriage la..dat's IMPOSSIBLE!! i save up just in case i wanna buy a new phone or go for a concert or for a hairdo, i can straight away go and get it done..isnt dat cool? haha. i'll try.. OOOH!! i can also save up for my future in BYU!!! but dat's abit too far away la..i havent even started poly.. haha!

Phine phine!! JIAYOU!!

Phine*

today's a special special day!! it's Onson Li Yip On's 18th birthday! hahahahaha. *6th of Nov*

Happy Birthday, Onson!!

(if only he could see, haa)

oh dear!! i suay suay caught a flu today!! hugging those tissues the whole day man..my voice changes too. cant really talk as i used to. lucky onson wont be able to see me like dat. hehx

i shall not talk abt work today, cuz it's totally boring. but i just wanna say dat i was dozing off and my colleague tried to keep me in a consicious mood for like 15 mins. haha!

at night, after my night nap... i msg onson like ard 10pm. to wish him happy birthday and good luck for tmr's paper. hope he enjoyed today.. hehx.

last saturday, 04 11 06
i went for the youth's musical rehearsal.. oh man, i can confirm with u dat i cant dance at all! super no genes in dat man.if really cannot make it den i'll go choir liao la..later in the afternoon was the Annual CES Seminary and Institute Graduation. YAY man! im graduating from seminary! i've been waiting for this day since yr2 in seminary(2004)..but i really cant imagine dat im graduating today sia. and onson din went for this event..sigh.. din expect dat to happen. i tot he's super guai leh..and guess wad... only 2 out of 8 Olevel students went!!! oh my goodness! i rmb my whole class was present last yr depsite of the same situation man..

and u know wad!!!! onson's dad(Bishop Li) sat beside my sis today. and they chatted for a short while..he asked her, so u going to HK at the yr end? my sis said yes. den Bishop Li said yes too!! and it's also a family trip!! so my sis was very excited la, in fact, she feel excited for me..and so she asked in great enthusiasium,' so when are u going back?'. and Bishop Li said, 7th Dec till somewhere mid Dec. my sis was devastated, SO DO I! MAN! if only i could go there earlier. if it's not my bro coming back to sg, i would have gone to HK earlier. oh man. haha. i'll stop whining. *SoB*

went to Sakae Sushi with my sis for dinner. after dat, went shopping with her. to shop for office wears and formal yet elegant black shoes. after so many trys, my sis finally found the shoes dat she like!!! but too bad, it's quite ex la..other than dat, it's acceptable for her..not for me, cuz it's made out of genuine pig skin sia!! gross! but dat shop lady told us dat most or some of the shoes are made out of animal's skins..i din know dat man...so i din dare to touch her newly bought shoes.hehx. oh ya!! and the price of it is $59.90... siao right!! pig skin where got so ex one......

Sunday, 05 11 06
Church! i was super rush today sia. din put make up or accesories. super not presentable. but the good news is, i wasnt late. and my dad is very happy abt it! haha. i prepared an 'exam emergency kit' for onson. and i bought it to church although i totally have the feeling of not giving it to him. my sis always end the lesson super late.. like 10 mins before 2pm. and we gotta be down at level 2 at 2 pm..and so i went down at ard 1355. and u know wad!!! i saw onson outside at the corridor tgt with mark and dunno still got who la..i was shocked man! i dont expect to see him there so late.cuz their meeting starts at 2pm ma..and he was looking at my direction sia. den i was like hiding my bag of stuffs. haa. i dont think i mangaged to hide it well. during the sacrament meeting, i msg hl,xl,cc, jl and jw to seek advice whether shld i give it to him anot. CUZ I REALLY NO CONFIDENCE SIA! felt dat he wont appreciate wad im doing for him. felt dat wad im doing might caused him to find me annoying. dat's wad bothering me nowadays since thurs. as i tot of the past, i accumulated all this worries and lack of confidence. every1 replied Jiayou and good luck to me. love u all so much man. always so supportive in me. haha. and i chatted awhile with Samantha Song after church, she was like so excited and kept assuring me dat onson will like it and stuffs.. and i told her stuffs dat happened between me and onson. trying to update her, and she said, we're very sweet and dat we'll be able to be tgt in the future. and i told her dat she's thinking too much la..haha. all i want is to be able to work in onson's prom night place. haha!! and serve in his table!! hahahahaha, i think i also think too much liao.. after dat, i met up with ying er.. and i asked her to accompany me down to woodland's ward to pass smth to onson. i went down at ard 1550, and he's still not there! really felt like going back home dat time sia. den he came in after awhile!! he seemed super rush! he passed by me while his on his way into the room. im just outside the room..and i was waiting for him to come out ma..the room has 2 doors, he went out through another door. but i din know dat time ma.. so i waited outside until shaun came out. and he was shocked dat i was here with my red shoes.haha. he knows dat im here for onson one la. smart ar.......hmmm, den he asked me whether im staying for their sacrament meeting anot..although i really wanted to. but i dont feel confident again. haha, dont 'bian wo'...and so i chatted with shuan for awhile, and asked him to help me pass the exam emgergency kit to onson. cuz i dont see him and no confidence to pass it to him ma. den shuan agreed to help me la..and he added dat onson is gonna bless the sacrament with him! i was super sian diao lo. no wonder i din see him anywhere. haha. he went out through another door. sigh. den nvm lo, the meeting is gonna start soon too.. so i passed the bag to shuan's bro. but shuan dunno ma, so i use my facial expressions to signal him la, but im afraid onson might see my horrible facial expressions since he's beside shuan and he's also looking at my direction. so i just stop doing my facial expressions and msg shuan.

after the meeting, shuan msg me and said he passed it to him liao.. i was like sOOOoo nervous la.. den i asked him, wad's his reaction...actually cc and my sis asked the same qn too. and shuan replied he said thanks and no reaction..haha! quite true la, shuan is a guy and wad kinda reaction u expect onson to give..but shuan reassured me dat onson is like dat one, dont really have alot of reactions. and he asked me not to give up, perservere on and there will be results!

chatted with cc awhile too.. she encouraged me to send onson a msg.. but i really very hard to send sia.

finally at ard 2315, he msg me!! "Hey, thx for ur present! Haha theres so many things inside. I like it, especially the mini bball hoop. Yup, thx!" haha!! i was shocked to receive his sms sia! and so i was like laughing non-stop la! my sis tot im maddd. and so i showed her the sms. den her reaction was...."u AR! so late den msg my sis! u know how many times she looked at the phone anot!!!??" but just kidding only la..of cuz she din reply this.. hahahahaha.im happy happy happy. and i replied.. "haha.. you're welcome! soooo glad dat u like it! it's actually an 'exam emergency kit'. have a good night's rest bahx! (^__________,^)" ..and the amazing thing is...he replied me again!!! normally, he wont.. haha.. he said,"haha yup, i realised. Yea, going to slp le. Good night!"

oh oh oh!!!

ytd, i msg onson at ard 1150 bahx. asked him how was the paper...okay ma? cuz my manager's friend complained abt it.

and and and! he replied me at ard 1320. im happy happy happy! he said, ok la..normal lor.. can rest and mug for a few days more b4 the next paper, on next tue.

and i replied him smth la.

and! he was online this morning! rare man. at ard 1045. i was shocked la! but his status was busy. Alex asked me to start con with him. and i did. Good Morning! but.....he din replied la. he was online until roughly 2pm bahx. im not too sure, was out to lunch. sigh. hated this, cuz it has caused me to lose confidence in myself.

every friday, it's my department's exercise day. i dunno wad they call it. last last week, they had floorball. i din go. last week, cancelled. today, badminton. but i tot i wont have the chance to go ma. so i wasnt prepared. but who knows, everyone asked me to go. weilin searched tshirts, towels, shoes for me. but who knows, no shorts, no right size of shoes. so i said nvm la, next time bahx. haha. so weird lo!! work half way until 11am, den our director and both managers came over to our table and say IT"S BADMINTON TIME! frightened me sia. and so they left for badminton. i was at my desk to finish up some work and msn lo. this job is SOOOO not office like. but it's office job la. weird. hahahahaha. but i love this department alot. so lively, full of energy,laughters, warmth and fun. as i walked into the territories of other departments, all i felt was the stillness, errie-ness, it's kinda dark inside too. totally different from the environment and feeling i got in my department.

sian ar...... kinda depressed now. need motivation!! PHINE PHINE!! why like dat............

15 more mins can go home liao. hahahahaha

Phine phine (Johnson)

haa, my colleagues has been calling me Johnson. sian diao. they tot i like some guy who's called Johnson. *SoB*

how how how. im losing confidence in myself again. i felt dat onson and i are like not possible. thinking of the past, i felt hopeless. no dynamic once again. his ideal lover would be cute, not too loud and noisy, gentle, and thoughtful. am i? too hopeless liao la.

during prom night, i asked him how does he felt towards me. seriously, he did ans me. let's say i asked him 30 times, he answered once. he said, im his good friend. other than this ans was he dunno. i accepted the 'dunno'. sighh. devastated. SUPER devastated.

i really wanna stop guessing who's inside his heart.

tell me how u feel will die issit. hmph!

onson onson onson!

hahahahaha. today's onson's first A levels written exam! the sickening GP paper. GP is VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY impt. dont underestimate it(like i always did.haha).

onson's first paper just ended. wonder how was it. sum1 called my manager, and he said he dont have time to finish the paper. OH DEAR!! how how how.......

PHINE!! must have confidence in him!! im sure he's watched over by the Lord.

ytd, chatted with onson on msn for awhile. i asked him whether is he nervous abt tmr.. and i continued typing, im nervous!! hahahahaha. weird. den he replied, haha. u nervous for wad. haha. i also dunno why im so nervous.

Hope he did well for his paper. even IF he did not, wish dat he could be happy and concentrate on studying other papers. with my Good Luck Charm watching over him, shld be okay bahx. hahahahaha.

(^____________,^)

Phine Phine

wasnt late today!! was right on the dot! when u clock strikes 9am. hehx. im happy happy happy.

waa.. slack almost 80% today. hmmm.. alex gave me one small bball set to give it to onson for him to de-stress from his A levels when he's feeling stressed up..haha!and he suggested me to go supermarket to buy stuffs rmb? now he suggested me to buy milo, cereal, chocolate bar, chicken essence, biscuits, cup noodles, potato chips all those..haha! hafta go shopping on sat liao, since i dont hafta work in the hotel..

waa! forgot to bring the jacket today ar! super cold now!!! went to the toilet 4 times today sia..

AND!!! ONSON came online at ard 1710..haha, dont be sian diao.. it's my first time seeing him online when im working at rp. kie, im still at rp now.. 5 more mins to packing up! and although im SUPER free now. i din start conversation with him.. from the situation on sunday, and plus he immediately changed his status to 'busy'. i din start con with him.. hmmm, next time bahx..when his exams has ended first........

today is my dear 2nd Bro's 28th bdae!! hahahahaha.. there's always a special feeling in me on this day.. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

(^_________,^)

ar!!!!!!! 1757 liao!!! gotta go.. byeee!

Phine Phine!!

okay, im kinda excited today.. haha! so i'll start off with today's stuffs.. haa. i was 10 mins late for work today. but no fear!! haha! den i did some gluing stuffs..... and dat's it! i went to msn and did abit of cross stitching(it's really ABIT, probably 5 small squares.haha!)

at ard 1130. alex came and we talked abt the book of mormon and onson la.. usual for him to speak of onson..haha! always tease me with onson. den den den. our manager ordered pizza man! den we all left the office to one of my manager's hse for pizza party lunch. haha! he stays super close to rp. but he drove us to his son's childcare and fetch him first before we went to his hse. his son is 4 yrs old this yr. and u know wad!!!! he's super hyper active, and he knows how to sing one of the boyband's shut up song! oh my goodness.. im impressed. den he also knows how to operate a DVD player sia. my goodness. their hse very nice too.. very unique, i would say. very beautiful. and he had so much fun there.. haha! but everyone was sleepy after the lunch. hmmm, i really loved to be in this department.. not bad la. fun! den alex came to me and suggested a stupid thing.. he suggested dat i could name my son as johnson next time..MY GOODNESS! he's 25 and im 17 only.. he talk to me abt son's name.. he shld worry for himself first sia. kie kie, cuz he said, JOsephine and onSON, den JOhnSON lo.. OH MY GOODNESS!!

back to the office, had ice cream.. i felt like im here for food, msn, and blogging..haha.

27th OCT 2006
Whoa! left the office at ard 1500. SUPER early lo.. but at least i did some work today. and i went to causeway for lunch with one of my colleague. sob, i ate pastamania. 8 bucks LADY!!!! sian diao. den spent quite a long time there. and when i reached the office, it's already 2pm..haha. short day man. cool. after dat, left for orchard hotel. i wasnt late in reporting. but!! due to lotsa obstractions, we was 10 mins late. SOB!! kie kie, nvm, lesson learnt. today's work was easy for me. drink server. as i expected. haha. nth interesting really happened but!!!!!!!!! there's afew of first timers which dont really like this job, which ended up, it doubles up my work load. i gotta handle 6 tables sia!!!!!!! plus another 3 more towards the end of the D&D. but my partner wasnt as bad as the other xiaomei. so nvm lo.. i kinda like them. i also gotta accept dat they dont really like this job. mmmm.. after dat, we bumped into christopher and we gotta work OT! hahahahaha. but it wasnt really pleasant la. was super tired lo. so i was as slow as a tortoise. and din really got a happy ending in work. but nvm!! i know i wasnt becuz of us(one of the aunty assured us). sigh!! gotta work tmr! for some rp's event. and i reached home at ard 0345. and! i found my sis still watching tv sia! so rare man! normally she wont stay up until SOOOO late just for some drama. moreover, she has to work the next day. i was shocked man! so i joined her in dat until 5am, we went to bed. i fell asleep at ard 0515 bahx.

28 Oct 2006
woke up at ard 0745.. im gonna die today man. SUPER lack of sleep. i was indeed super exhausted. lucky i did nth much at the rp's Vote Against Litter campaign(VAL). ALL i did was just standng there.. IM SERIOUS! i did nth! and the funny thing was.. the rp students looked at me and was shocked dat i just hafta stand there and do nth. den they came and ask me, which yr am i in. den another student leader(IC), answered them dat im the staff. den they was shocked la! they asked me how old am i.. 17... den they was even more shocked!!!!!!!! cuz they're yr 2 students. mostly 18 yrs old, some 20 or 23.. den one guy kept emphasizing dat the rp staff is younger than the students..haha!!! funny.and they all assumed dat im having a romantic time with the IC(the student who stationed with me). my goodness! and i saw Dunfu and John. seriously la, i always tot they would go sp or np.. hmmm, i looked like a zombie man. after dat, went shopping for awhile to kill time while waiting for cc and hl to get our voucher. in the end, they waited for me. haha!

29th Oct 2006
hahahahaha! today's happening but.......... sigh. we was last minute informed dat my family was invited to someone's family to have dinner(church). den i was kinda bothered by other stuffs. so i wasnt in the mood and wanted to go home. but after church, they said they wanted to show a DVD. and i takes 30 mins. i started to become anxious, cuz, i dont look good today! i din dressed up nicely, i din put up make up, my hair was horrible and my shoe wasnt matching. U can alreadly imagine how bad i look bahx. i was so anxious cuz the probability of being to see onson is high! and after the DVD thingy, my dad suggested to stay back for woodlands ward's meeting! my goodness! i suddenly wanna go to dat family's hse for dinner liao.. hahahahaha! den i saw ONSON!! haha!! he looked super shuai today lo. SUPER. haha! or maybe to me, he is super shuai la.. haha! den he blessed the sacrement today! i had a good view of his front view today. hahahahaha! but i din really look at him.. cuz i paiseh. i looked at him when he's obviously looking at other direction. den, he blessed the water!! i recording down his voice. but it's not very clear. but nvm la, IT"S HIS VOICE!! hahahahaha. im happy happy happy. it's my 4th time attending woodlands ward but the first time hear him bless the sacrament! hahahahaha. felt super blissful today. den, towards the end of the meeting, he turned and look the the clock, and i was sitting at the back row ma. so i know he turned his head, so i looked at him, AND!! he was looking at me! but for less than a second bahx. cuz it was during the process of him turning back his head to look at the speaker in front. i was happy happy happy. but then, i din talk to him after church. was super shy la. so nvm lo.. im happy enough already.. haha!

i can understand dat he's under alot of stress lately. thurs is his GP paper!! and GP is super important. and dat he's not really those can get A1 in GP bahx. haha, i sounded very bad. i think i'll get E8 for GP bahx. haha! so i wont bug him dat much until his A levels ended. i'll prayed for him and fast for him.

Alex suggested to give Onson one bag full of tidbits. haha! and name it "use, in case of emergency" haha, it's kinda cute la.. shld i? but if i buy right, it's gonna be a huge bag. how to give..it'll be big and heavy.. got drinks, cup noodles, sweets, chocolates and stuffs.

My Buddies, Any suggestions?

whoa so much to type sia.. cuz my blog was suspected to be a spam blog previously.. and so they blocked it! kao! caused so much of inconveniences.

and i realised i've been very busy ever since the end of Sept. like there's not a moment which i've nth to worry to be completed in mind. before this is like, looking for jobs and playing audition, looking for liling to accompany me whole day those sorts of stuffs. ppl look for me also can go out with them anytime, any place, anyhow.

but now, like kept avoiding dates, appointments, invitations to go out. haha! so sorry guys if i rejected ur offer to go out. keep asking!! i might be free one of these days.

on the 12th of oct,
one of my colleagues in rp, he asked me why i wanna go np and stuffs la.. den led to about bf and who i like. hahahahaha, so i told him part of my grandmother story about Onson. he suddenly changed his attitude to be very serious. he taught me how to confess to onson again! all sorts of ways la.. den he said he'll gimme a GoodLuck CareBear for me to give it to Onson for his Alevels. in wishing him GoodLuck..im happy happy happy and excited.

on the 13th of Oct,
i was super excited too!!! my first day working in a banquet! i reported later than xueling, hanlee and liling. as a result, i wasnt with them the whole night. but! the first person whom i bumped into was Xueling!! we were so excited to see each other, or at least i was.. haha. den next i saw hanlee.. after dat, i saw liling at the back of the kitchen. after work, we met up and joked ard. SO fun sia! but it's also REALLY tough la.poured drinks until my index finger hurts man. and it's so busy! and i was impressed by how they carried the oval tray. siao lo! it's so heavy..i even saw girls carrying it! and it was our first day, and we stayed back for OT! so fun! we stayed back to clear the utensils and glasses on every table. even though our hands was very dirtied as a result of touching those utensils, IM STILL VERY HAPPY ABT MY JOB!! even though i reached home at ard 0345, im still happy abt it. hahahahaha! im maddd liao. but the sad thing is, i imagined dat we can be able to taste good food. but sadly, we are not allowed!
overall, i like it!!

14th of Oct 2006
OH MY GOODNESS! today i went out with yihao. some guy i met in audition. he brought me to sentosa. den along the way, he kept holding my hand man. and sniffing the smell of my hair. and lotsa stuffs la..which im super sian diao already to say.we sat somewhere to view the sea. he played with hand la.. he lifted it up and let go to see if i can keep it in the air..haha! kie kie.den he put his hand ard my waist and stuffs. and we walked a short distance on the sand to cross the bridge over to the most southern part of SEA. i think... den when we were there, we small chatted awhile. DEN! he hugged me sia, not with great force of course, but we were so close sia. den he finally asked me, phine, will u wanna be tgt with me? i was like blurred diao lo. never seen him so gentle and stuffs before. and den i um, erm, hmmm, eh.... den i finally managed to let him know dat i've already like another guy liao. his's from RJ, from my church, having his A levels this yr, dat's why i intended to give him the good luck bear dat he saw on fri night..den he was like, huh.......let's try out kie? den of course i rejected him ma. i told him, before u're tgt with sum1, u think of the possibilities of him/her of becoming ur husband/wife. so dat the both of u will be commited in this relationship.. i really once imagine onson to be husband. or rather, i kept imagining. hehehehehe. kie kie, blah blah blah la.. den the conclusion dat night was, DONT THINK TOO MUCH. my goodness, dont think too much he still like so close to me lo.sigh

15th of Oct 2006
oh my goodness!! so excited abt today although i had a bad experience ytd. my goodness again.
sigh. nvm. eh eh eh, i wrapped the Good luck Bear in one of the disneyland plastic bag after i've purchased smth there. and i brought it to church! but. i din managed to bump into him in church. so. i hoped to see him in tonight's mutual, fireside. and true enough, i saw him there! he came in with John Chan. i din know they were dat close sia. kie kie.. i still rmb he was sitting at the seat in front and in front of me. haha, i very wu liao one. den den den, there's this musical coming up in Jan next yr. and tonight, every1 will register for their roles in mind. and i, of course wanted to op for choir la. but who knows, my church pals all go for dance. my goodness, I CANT DANCE!!! i dance like a wood stick lo. very stiff one. u see me in audition and real life is different. SUPER different. but for the sack to fun in rehearsaling, i joined dance. onson was there too while we were signing up. i miao him for afew times la. haha! MArk wasnt there, he seemed lonely. sigh. old liao..hahahahaha! cant mix with younger ones..haha! ehh, den my dad was there and alot of other ppl was there, it was super crowded dat night man. very hard to pass him the bear lo. den he went out to the kitchen. i also followed. he went in the kitchen, i stood outside la. only my dad went in for some refreshments. den i was outside, and my friend came. i told her dat onson's A level is coming! and i've smth to give him. BUT! too many ppl la! how to give! all she said was, (in a very enthu and encouraging tone), give la give la!!!!! she's not very helping in the situation, but i know she's sincere.. so i tot of giving it to him next sunday when there's lesser ppl. den he came out of the kitchen, HE LOOKED AT ME SIA! i shy la, so i looked elsewhere. sigh. den he stood further outside the room,alone. i was still at the same spot with my friend. den she kept asking me to give. den i miao at him, and he was looking at me!!!! hahahahaha, den he went into the toilet. on the other hand, my dad kept rushing me to go home, dunno wad's the rush man. soon, he came out of the toilet, he looked at me and i assumed he was abt to say hi or wad.. but i talked first, i kinda like walking away from the crowd, and i was super nervous la. so i asked him how's his exams? OH MY GOODNESS! i asked the wrong stuffs. he replied saying his exams haven start yet. haha! so paiseh lo. den i asked him how's his studies? if im not wrong, he said, okay la. u know how my memory works. haha. den after dat, i told him dat i've got smth to pass him. den he said, WA! so good ar!..hahahahaha. i was laughing la. den i gave it to him. and he thanked me and stuffs. and i told him dat it's my Good Luck Charm. hehe. den at night, he sent me a msg. but i just fell asleep at the moment. so he din reply my msg after i've replied his. BUT! NVM, i can understand. hahahahaha. im happy happy happy.

16th of Oct 2006
work. nth much. yihao came to fetch me after work. not bad la. no more those actions liao.
just realised dat onson's bdae is in 3 weeks time!!! oh dear. i was shocked man. 3 weeks leh. sigh. i wanted to do a piece of cross stitch for him. i tot of stitching his name la. but like no time and stuffs. so i ended up visiting the shop and think think think. and consulted jielin too. and i've decided to stitch his name featuring Care bears. and after dat sew them onto pillow cases. haha!den i also wanted to stitch smth dat he likes, like a basketball..haha! BIG AMBITION sia. 3 weeks only. how can!??!?!?!?!

17th of Oct 2006
haha! pia seminary hmwk!!!!

18th of Oct 2006
I've completed my seminary hmwk! can graduate! YAY!! (^____________,^) oh kie kie. start to do my piece of cross stitch for onson's bdae present. i think hor, bdae cannot make it la, maybe christmas still can make it. haha! worst come to worst, valentine's day gift. but then again, i think bdae gift like better. more meaningful. how how how!!!! whole night pia also cannot, later the next day will suffer mentally and physically at work. oh ya! i took a day's off today to go consult a doctor at the Choa Chu kang's polyclinic. i missed my stop sia. i went all the way to Lim Chu Kang. haha. but dat bus driver very kind, gimme a free ride back. den sleep all the way again. my eye was really horrible. gotta eat 1 whole week of antibiotics sia. and it stinks!

19th of Oct 2006
work. everyone noticed my red and swollen finally after having dat zhen yan for 1 week, so u know the seriousness of it. and it's itchy lo..went home after work. eat, bathe, watch tv and did my piece of cross stitch. nth much la.

20th of Oct 2006
haha. OSG department staffs from RP asked me to stay at home due to my eye! so i din went for work today!can report earlier for the banquet job liao. whoa. i din know there's so much to know before every event. but it's always not enough preparations for me. im still as blurr. not bad la, i was assigned to be serving the food. cool! but super busy. and stress, i would say it's not easy. i did the presentation thingy. whoa, the plate of food i hold seemed to weigh 5 kg or more sia! i only managed to recall dat it's super heavy. lucky the table im handling are all nice ppl. they pardoned me for my mistakes and they waited patiently for me sia. i did knocked and spilled a wine glass, cut the chicken horribly and served in a horrible way. my caption also din say anyhing. hahahahaha! i was lucky lucky lucky, cuz i brought my Good Luck Bear along with me! dat night, i was working with liling. according to hanlee's blog, cc and her went to changi for some SIA thingy.. we dont have a chance to work OT this time round. and so ll and i waited for cc and hl for 1 hour, and we waited for our bus another 1 more hour. so I WAITED FOR ALMOST 3 hours to go home! haha. if im not wrong, we were released at ard 2315, and i reached home at ard 0230 bahx. dat's crazy. hahahahaha. but overall, I HAD FUN! totally enjoyed myself.

21st of Dec Oct
whoa. was asked to catch yihao's match. was asked to go swimming in the morning with jielin. was asked to go out to catch a movie with xl and probably cc. was asked to go shopping and dinner by my sis. ARGH!! i wanna do my cross stitch de! but i din la. sigh. procrastinated again. but in the end, i went out with my sis.
at night! i was on msn. hoping dat onson will go online. and he did!!!! i started conversation with him. and he did reply me! im happy happy happy. but he seemed to be very busy and rush. we just had a short chat, but it's a long chat as compared to the past. cuz last time, he wont even reply. haha! i showed him my jiayou pic. wanted to motivate him in his A levels. but i think the message wasnt fully conveyed. he only said, cool, how did u take these pics one? haha. and i still rmb he ended the con with, haha cya! hahahahaha! im maddd liao..

22nd of Oct 2006
nth happened today. normal. church. din do my piece of cross stitch today too. die la! kept procrastinating.

23rd of Oct 2006
work. and my eye got better! abit only la. it's not red but still as swollen. really did nth much today. actually, after the first week of work, i really did nth at work sia. i feel like they're hiring me to go rp to used the comp leh. go msn, blogging, check emails, go read up my buddies blog. all those stuffs which im lazy to do at home or no chance to get it done with my hse comp. this job made me feel so inefficient. felt demoralised, felt lazy, felt, useless, felt fat, felt like sleeping, felt like i wont choose to do admin work after this admin work. meaning, i might work admin again when i feel like im missing it terribly. haha! kie kie, did my piece of cross stitch today!

24th of Oct 2006
SENTOSA! but the response not good leh. cecilia and hanlee dont laugh ar... kie kie, like me begin my wonderful story...... haha! today right, we queued super long for the super slow coach to drive us into the territories of sentosa. den den den, we queued a super long time for our transport inside sentosa. there was ALOT of ppl there sia! frightened me lo. felt like going home to watch tv with my sis when i saw dat. haha! den, cc and hl went ahead to their mission in sun tanning and playing in the shallow areas of the water. for me, i din bring any extra clothes ma, and i've no intention of going for taning and down in the fishy waters. so i din join them in dat. im only interested in beach volleyball.dat's why i went. hanlee and cecilia.. sry ar..really sorry for not joining u guys in ur activities.. and we were so lucky sia!! the spot we we sat, has and view alot of shuai ges sia! wad i meant was, we did not purposely went there to see guys one la. just dat......really lo!! super shuai sia. hahahahaha! my type, guai guai and sporty type. cc's naughty type also got. hl's type also got! hahahahaha. had such a great time in our trip to sentosa sia. so we went there with such a huge crowd also not bad.. after dat we came to know dat vivocity and harbourfront was super crowded, we adjourned to cine, our fav long john silver for dinner. haha! i also wanted to shopped there for some accesories too.. and guess wad? we saw cc's classmates and jielin there too! such great and marvelous co-incidence sia.haha. and cc asked me how's my bdae present for onson, sigh..die la die la. im still at the first letter!!!! but only left back stitch to complete.

25th of Oct 2006
work. haha. i fell asleep when the manager is behind me talking to both of the person im assisting. aiya, i was super sleepy. and i was doing research. such a boring task sia!! i wonder did he saw dat. kie kie, nvm. hahahahaha! i finish my first letter O liao! and my sis said it's very nice, very cute. den i was kinda worried too. CUTE! it's gonna meant for a guy leh.. somemore 18 yrs old guy. going NS next yr. oh dear. im so afraid dat he might not like it sia.

26th of Oct 2006!
today! work. haha, had slightly 30% more stuffs to do. before today was 10%.. haha! and the rest of the time, i was msning and blogging. hahahahaha! very busy ar! Aunty Lily asked me out for dinner. Ariel asked me to go for the audition of the Youth Musical in B.T chapel. aiyo! but i both also dont wanna go. i wanna stay at home to watch dat korean drama cum finish my Onson's Bdae Present(OBP). just started on the second alphabet ytd night. great achievement. i rmb last time wheni stitched the tissue bag for keny, i took 2 weeks. haha! wanna console myself only. *SoB*.

Phine Phine!
U Can Do It!
(^________,^)

oh my goodness!! so long din blog liao. im lazy, busy, and forgetful. ha! and by the way, i'll be SUPER busy from today onwards. u know why?!!??!?! i gotta hand in my seminary hmwk by this sunday! dat's crazy. really cant procrastinate anymore liao.

plus. i've just started my admin job. haha! got my personal working laptop. which is so cool la! wait till i get my laptop next yr(if im required to have one) im now working as an office lady, haha. those handle admin jobs.. data entries, printing, scanning, filling in forms and stuffs. it's like a assistant to the person im assisting. oh my goodness, im speaking fei hua sia.

and and and!!! ytd night, when onson just signed into msn!!!! i started conversation with him!!! and little did i expect dat he'll type back smth to me leh!! im happy happy happy!! his A levels is coming in less than a month!! oh dear, hope he wont get sick while piaing all those books and notes. and i told him i changed a new job.. he alot of 'haha' all the way.. haha! den den den, he said he feel happy for me!!!!!!! haha, cecilia knows how i felt last night. like flying in the sky sia.

very strange leh. only onson can make me happy like maddd with those simple words. haha.

he's still my ideal lover. hahahahaha!!

we walked towards exit E after the fireworks. haha. dont be sian diao. sweet memories lo. i think i rmb him asking me whether im feeling hot.. haha! or issit he felt hot. u know how my memory works......

den after dat there's this guy said if we go thru exit B would be better.. and we climbed up this stairs. he was behind all the way. i rmb i felt weird, but at the sme time secured. whenever we get up the bus, we would be letting me go first. and on the bus, when everytime, there's a major turning, u know, ppl will have inertia right. and i was appearing dat i was gonna fall. and he grab me on my waist! haha! unforgettable.. he's the first who did dat.

Fullerton Hotel. my all time fav. i love the toilet! hehx

i love this pic. but i see nth special.hehx!

MERLION. i've not been there before. opps!shh

AIYO! i tot i've already decided to carry on searching for my li xiang qing ren. cuz max totally isnt my ideal lover.. he doesnt make me smile and happy like maddd.. he doesnt carry a smile on his face often. he isnt cute..as in adorable, cute. haha. well, come to think of it, he was cute at times, but not in front of his friends.. hehx. but he's quite MAn. he's sweet. but he talks alot too.. just now at ard 8 plus in the night, a thought came into my mind.. max once said, he wont entertain/care/talk to those girls if he is not interested in.. *SoB* he has not spoken a word with me for 11 days! he's not interested in me anymore bahx.. why like dat! i really hope all this din happened.. sickening pig!

went for my interview this morning at the SMRT building. i wasnt willing to wake up this morning.. suddenly have the urge to take a cab there..haha! cuz i was lazy, and u know, it'll be very crowded in the bus, long journey, blah blah blah.. all excuses.. the fare was $17!! siao! regretted.. AND! i wore the wrong shoes! i shldnt have worn dat. it's size 35. all covered feet shoes. and my size is 36 or 37.. aiyo! had 4 blisters at the end of the day.. kie kie.. my interview was not bad i guess.. i felt good after dat. i wanted to call someone.. of cuz max la.. but then, i deleted his no. .. and even if i call, he wont pick up one.. so i ended up calling weiquan. haha! he picked up! im happy happy happy. even before dat, i was happy.. den i told him the location dat im at.. he said, waaa, so early go there for wad! den i told him i dunno how to go home, but im also still very happy.. he kept on commenting dat im siao.. so after dat i went to raffles city, it's just opp the SMRT buliding ma.. i rmb i went there to find mark quite a few times last yr when he was still working there.. but i was too early today, MOST of the shops were still closed.. so i decided to take MRT. bo bian la, i dont wanna take MRT one..hehx. den as i walked towards the MRT station.. i saw the place max and i watched the fireworks on 12 of aug. so went towards dat direction instead.. but i din take pics!! i walked towards the exit B of the MRt station.. i went underground den i tot of taking pics.. but then i dont wanna go back cuz.....my LEG VERY PAIN LEH!

Today, i went to the places dat we went on our first date. but this time, i was alone. *SoB*. can we do dat again? i can still rmb mostly, the things u told me. even covered the memories onson and i shared. incredible. aiyo, WAKE UP LA.

went to esplanade, took some pics of fullerton hotel and the merlion.. my leg got blisters, so i din go to all these places.. sad la.. i rmb my first date brought me to chijmes for a romantic dinner den we rode a trishaw to sg river.. and we scrolled all the way to fullerton hotel. he told me alot of things.. the special talents dat i got.. haha.. and u know who is my first date????!!!! my 2nd BRO!! i love him loads man.. he's also the first guy who sent me flowers on last yr's valentine's day. how sweet!!! good boyfriend man!!!perhaps husband. hehx.

PART of the family pic taken on the bus. outcome was not bad. i like it!it reminds me of the days when we need to squeeze while we're filming neoprints.
do we look alike? i feel ok only. haa. still can see the wound on my lips. oh dear. i banged onto the LOT 1's toilet's door! painful man!
can u tell i've dyed my hair?hehx. horrible man.but thanks to liling. =D
pic of the month of Aug.
the problem started with this pic :( issit still my fav pic? it reflects another person to him. it reminds him of her. it urges him to get back the feeling when he's with her. but in actual fact, the person in the pic has nth to do with the other 2 ppl. why am i the one who suffers the pain? i shldnt have taken this pic. and made it my fav msn pic. i shldnt have gone to east coast 2 yrs ago. i shldnt have gone through all these mess and heartache.

oh my goodness! i've smth to blog again. u know, i feel dat i've little impression of me and onson when max came into my life. dat's amazing. i always tot i wouldnt forget the feeling onson gave me. as i was browsing through jl's blog, hl said nice blog skin. it reminds me of max! oh dear. he used to create blogskins. oh man. kill me. i cant stay in singapore. moreover, bukit panjang.

IM VERY SAD NOW AR!! OH MY GOODNESS.. I'VE MENTIONED DAT I HAVEN FALLEN DEEP FOR HIM. BUT I GUESS EVEN SO, I STILL CANT TAKE IT! IT'S SO SO OBVIOUS LO. PERHAPS HE FINDS ME STUPID, CHILDISH, BLURR, ZHU TOU, LAUGH UNTIL VERY HORRIBLE, BORING, ETC BAHX. BUT HE REFERRED HIMSELF AS MY FUTURE BF, EVEN UNTIL SUPER CONFIDENT. WAD IS THIS. HE PLAYED ME? SIAN DIAO LO. WAIT UNTIL I'VE DEVELOPED SOME FEELINGS FOR U EACH DAY DEN U DUMPED ME. FEELING SO TERRIBLE NOW. I'VE LOST MY LAUGHTHERS ONCE AGAIN.

21/7

pioneer's day! went to church for a pioneer's day mutual. we learnt how to sew smth, how to square dance, and to roll a wheel barrel.. haha, i was lazy and was wearing heels.. so i did not went for the dance and barrel thing.. siao ar! barrel was crazy, it was fully filled with bricks one leh..nevertheless, i think it was a success!

and die la die la.. :0 , wad's happening to me!! i've been thinking abt him!!! ya, HIM!!! oh my goodness!! but i think of wad has happened in the past la.. dat's why.. i like the old him.. not anymore now.. but whenever i think of the past, i think i've fallen for him.. ^.^" haha.. dat's me! i think currently, maybe one guy could save me bahx.. but im not the first in his heart.. NVM!

22/7

shld i watch six sense alone later on? my dad said he dont wanna watch with me cuz he watched it liao.. i but haven watch!! i rmb it was a hot movie when i was still in upper pri.. abt a boy who could see spirits..oh my goodness! how i wish my sis is here with me.. oh ya, she went to bangkok for 5 days.. shld i watch it? there was constantine at 12pm, i din watch.. den tonight got hse of wax.. shld i watch? den the rest channels like nth to watch de..

IM BORED! :0 i need a job. any help? haha.

i went to sch ytd to hand in my withdrawal form. and i saw guiyu and ismath! and u know wad guiyu said? she said, "u know ar, last time Josephine comes to sch always ( "_) <-- like dat one. but now she comes to sch smiling away." haha, it's quite true la. i was quite happy ytd at sch too. i din go for lessons la.. i went to the general office and library to get 5 different ppl's signature on my withdrawal form.. and everyone wished me all the best or good luck! the SSS teacher wished me all the best and asked me to study hard in poly :) . my form teacher and maths teacher too! the security guards too!! i was truely grateful for all their blessings..
(u know, i really need all of ur supports in my decision to go poly, to cheer myself up abit. hope u guys could understand how i felt.)

went to watch pirates of the carribean, the dead man's chest, with sis too! sadly, it's below my expectation. i would prefer pirates of the carribean, the curse of the black pearl. the first one was more simple, relaxing and funny. and interesting too! the storyline was smth new and acceptable. dead man's chest was like there's this huge sea monster eating up ships.. i dunno how to say la.. and the ending was like telling us dat there's a 3rd episode of it.. sigh.. was kinda disappointed with the ending.. haha, i've been like complaining non-stop sia..

and today, u know wad daddy asked me? he asked me whether there's anyone in church likes me anot.. oh my goodness, i was shocked! i told him, i dunno, but i think dont have la.. den he asked me in sch leh? there was/is..i dunno also.. hahahahaha.. very poor thing hor... sigh...nvm la..it'll come when the time has arrived(time has ripen-in chinese..eng?) bahx..

Crazy entry

1st of July-17th of July (^_________________,^)

Seriously, I guess I've forgotten most of my thoughts throughout these 17 days...
U know, ever since my sis was back, she has been busy applying for jobs, chatting with her friends who are in HK or America, checking emails. I seldom get the chance to sit down and spend some time to type out my daily thoughts and events that happened around me.

1st of July-
yupp! Homecoming of my sis! I missed the chance of picking her up at the airport leh.. cuz I went for my bdae celebration instead. We went to Jingwei's hse for a simple yet hectic steamboat. Haha. It's was a last minute decision though. Im truly grateful to those who made it dat day. And those who helped out in the preparation and washing up, u guys did a great job! Practically, everyone helped out la. And I admit I did the least. (~.~") .. and I saw quite a lot of potential mothers.. ya ya, and we all became jingwei's wife for a few hours in his hse. We helped him to ans and open the door, to pass stuffs to her sis, to pass stuffs to him.
Later at night, I met up with my family at the science center for a buffet dinner. Oh my goodness, it's 27 dollars and u know wad.. I only ate 3 sticks of satay, a portion of vegetable, quite a lot of desserts, and a huge bowl of icecream. Abit wasted right.. sigh.. bo bian la, dat's the moment when I just gotta meet up with my sis, had lotsa stuffs to catch up ma.. (this reminds me of smth- sometime after prom night last yr, I tot there's like really no hope btw me and onson. So I stopped msging him and stuffs lo. Den ard 37 days later, he msg me and said dat we've not talked for so long liao, there's A LOT TO CATCH UP. Whoa, really ar... den now leh??? 5 mths already. Even more bahx. Sigh.. I think he's the one guy that everybody would be dreaming for bahx. Yupp, could only dream. It's like it's always out of ur reach. And there's nth dat u can do to attract him to u. one night, I sat on my bedside, looking out of the window, thinking.. an affliction towards a guy shld be sweet and each moment of happiness would envelope our hearts. If throughout this journey, I feel bitterness most of the time, I dont think it's worth it or maybe dat's not called love.. probably infatuation bahx. love shldn't be like this. So I advise to just stop pursuing this ultimately useless pursue. Stop thinking abt it. Stop giving false hopes to yourself. Stop thinking all those possibilities dat he might be in love with u too. So wad!, if he looks at u when he sits down or leaving his sit for 2nd serving of food. So wad!, if he looks at u throughout ur rehearsal of ur skit. So wad!, if he looks at u when he's sitting down. So wad!, if he danced with u.. so wad!, if he still rmbs ur bdae and sent u a msg on dat day. nth!, it's absolutely nth! stop wasting ur tears and time la. Perhaps he has someone in his heart bahx. all this while u've been thinking of him and he's thinking of someone else.. oh my goodness, so sad right... so, be smart!)

2nd of July-
big day!! It's my big day~ it's my big day!! Hahahahahahahahahaha

From Xueling- 17 years ago, an angel arrived from the heavens, sent by god, to bring joy n laughther, warmth n blessings to those around her. N today, we celebrate e arrival of this angel.. happy happy 17th birthday mei! May all ur big small wishes all come true n hav a fabulous birthday alright! =D

Whoa, first time received such a serious yet warm msg from xl.. normally is her acting cute and will sa jiao abit in the msg one.. haha..

From cecilia-(in chinese)祝你生日快乐…你又老了一岁了哦!考试要加油哦!尽早找男朋友哦!HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

Cecilia supports me a lot in studies one hor? haha..

From Jing Wei- Happy birthday, babe. Hopefully I am the first. I have forgotten to send on 12am. Shit.

Nvm, fengling's bdae is coming!! U still have the chance to strive in becoming the first!

From Mark- Hey happy birthday.. may all ur wishes come through

My wishes like forever cannot make it one leh.. and hor, u're STILL making this mistake!! It's not come through, it's come true..

From onson- Hey, happy bdae!

Wa, 1st and only msg I received from him ever since 15th of march. Haha.

From han lee-(in chinese) 祝你生日快乐, 祝你生日快乐, 祝你生日快乐, 祝你生日快乐! (: HAPPY 17TH BDAY! :D muahhs*

Muacks :)

From nelson- Josephine! Haaappy birthday to You! This year wil b a great year for u and do well in ur studies and most of all, find ur 白马王子! Study hard, study smart worx!

Sigh, sorry if I've disappointed u.. screwed up everything in my studies.. but I hope everything will be fine in the future.

From kai sen- Happy Birthday!!

From wei Quan- Ya hor... Haven't send u b'day sms... Hahaha... How was ur b'day? Lol...

Indeed lol leh.. haha.. where got ppl b'day sms like dat one.. haha..

From keny- Happy 17th birthday phine! I nv wrong ba? Hehexx. Wish u have a great birthday full of joys. N all ur wish come true. Muackz!

Amazing ar.. I always thought he was a forgetful guy.. haha.. he actually rmbs..

From Ismath-Wishing u a very HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY! I'm so sorry that I 4got ur birthday. At least I now remembered. Haha..anyway all e best in wateva u do. May God Bless U

Wa..so holy.. May God bless u too!

That's it! There're ppl who wished me a happy birthday too, but through other forms of means la.. msn and face to face lo.. Thomas called at night too! Philip called on 3rd of july bahx..sigh..

I felt dat this yr's bdae was really different.. I din get to see my friends on my bdae..i receieved a lot of call, msg full of wishes.. nth like wad we did in the past few yrs.. smth special..

3 of July-Youth day. (Wad did I do on dat day? I forgot!!!! Oh dear.)
But I think I've talked to my sis abt my situation in sch dat night. I managed to hold back my tears. But I might appear to talk in a strange manner. Haha.. (I cant really rmb wad she said dat night) she asked me wad did Philip said when he heard of my situation. I told her he said he's fine with me enrolling into poly as he has friends who went to poly and is in NTU now, and they appear to perform better than him. Blahx blahx blahx. But she remained silence and we fell asleep.

4 of July- sis went to seminary with me and hugged me when we departed. She told me not to be unhappy anymore in sch today kie? SoB! Even still, I couldnt stand it when im at sch.

5 of July- sis actually went into the net and searched for articles regarding people treated other people with unkind deeds, and also on articles whereby the person doesn't feel dat he/she belonged. Whoa, inspiring articles man! Increased my faith in IJC a little bit more dat night.

6 of July- school. All day long, I was thinking and thinking.. at a moment I was telling myself, "aiya, stay la stay la. 1 1/2 years ONLY. Can la. ENDURE!" but the other moment, when my friend threw a book at me, reminds me of the past man. That action of hers already hurts me liao. Wad to do, maybe she's like dat. But u know, last time hor..........she..........sigh..........wdv. and I felt like quitting. Dat was during phy tut. And when my teacher, he goes through the exam paper. I totally had no interest. I guessed I've lost interest bahx. phy leh, my all time fav. Chem. And maths also. But now, it seems like I've no interest. But I do like geog a lot. It's interesting! But still, not much diff la.. wad happened to my passion for studies? I rmb I suggested to have group studies last time. Jielin once told me dat im the one person which she knew at dat time who like to study so much. Wad happened? Where's my power? Maybe maths and science isn't my type. Or maybe it's too in-depth for me bahx.

7 of July-Tennis!! It'll be the one of the highlight of the day!
My first training sia. Cool leh.. I've learned a lot from the coach in the first session. At least now I could hit the ball back. Even though it's out most of the time. BUT! I still managed to hit it back right.. previous attempt last yr was I cant even hit it back or it got stuck at the hole in the middle of the racket. Tennis is fun. And the coach is super friendly lo.. very enthu also. We're dismissed at 5pm. And it was 5:30pm already, I hafta rush back home for a church activity a night ma.. then u know wad, the coach told me how I could also practice my forehand and backhand skills when im on my own..by just hitting it against a wall.. den he asked the captain to open the half court for me leh.. but in the end din la..i gotta rush for an activity ma.tennis was fun fun fun!!!!
at night, went to xingying's hse to invite her out for dinner! initially, she was very reluctant to go but she still agreed to join us towards the end of our persuasion. the sad thing was....we went to eat mac for dinner! i had long john for lunch u know.. and poor samantha, she ate mac in the early evenings i guess..anyway, she and i chatted throughout our whole journey back home. it was a great chat! it helped me to find out wad i truely want. i had a firm stand after dat night. she made me realized dat i really wanna leave dat sch. no more being undecisive. she made me realized dat i shldnt carry on studying becuz my whole family wants me to. i shld enjoy my educational life. shld be happy with wad im doing. if it's her mom, she would let her withdraw as soon as possible, dont waste time and money when ur heart has already given up in it. (and pits and pieces which i've forgotten la..haha, u know how my memory works.) she has this similar experience when she was in sec 1. we both cried each night for more than 3 mths to leave dat place. we both needed motivation to go to school.sigh.every sunday, when i saw her in church, she would ask me, "so how? talked to ur father already?"..she's one friend who was soOOoo concerned with my situation. im really grateful for her man.. haha.

9th of July-church. daddy's talk lo..he's so funny sia. was so touched when he said, "I love my family alot". *SoB* and World Cup finals 2006!!!

1oth of July-World Cup finals 2006 France VS Italy :)

i supported france all the way wor.. and daddy and sis supported italy. and i was super sleepy during extra time leh.. but when penalty kicks comes, EXCITING!

But then Zidane!! Dunno wad happened to him la. he cant seemed to control himself at dat instant after he has been provoked by some other player from Italy. Sigh. Sian diao lo.. received a red card immediately. No hope liao la.. when france lost, my dad and sis said dat zidane will be in big trouble..haha..i dont see any trouble. But it's becuz he wasnt there for the penalty kick ma.. slow leh me.. tsk tsk tsk. Sigh, nearly cried when france lost. Although my dad supported italy, still he commented dat france played beautifully. France played better than Italy. He actually felt quite dat it's a pity u know.. hahahahaha.. good judgement.. :)

At night I told my sis dat I really dont wanna go to sch and stuffs la.. I've no motivation to go to school. I cried like maddd lo.. I think she felt my pain bahx. last mon, her attitude towards this matter was still quite strict and little comments one leh.. but now, she's like so nice and all. She comforted me of cuz, told me her pri sch and JC experiences. (She's a strong women. My role model. ) and she changed her perspective and she supported my decision in enrolling into poly. I was even more touched. But dat night, she wanted me to give myself one more chance. She said, one more month, up till national day, and if I still dont like my life in JC, then we'll tell father tgt abt this. but I must pray everyday to ask heavenly father to help me decide wad is good for me and to make me like my stay in sch. And study everyday, go to sch everyday for this one month. And I agreed. She gave me a big hugged after dat.

11 of July- I was reluctant to go to school. No motivation. So I pon lo..hahahahaha.
went to east coast and rode a bike. Watched the world cup finals repeat at mac. The previous night, I kept telling myself for the sake for quitting school in august, just go to school la.. but I failed.

12 of July-was reluctant to go to school again. super no motivation. Went to woodlands. Sat on the marble seats in the woodlands interchange. Watched lotsa IJ students rushing to board the 900A bus.(including nelson) They're abt to be late ma..in the end, I din go to sch.

13 of July-I was late for sch. Din even wanna go to sch at first. But the amazing things was, I wasnt as sad as before.. but still sad la.. I knew the lord has blessed me to be happier there bahx. but still, I din go for pe. Hahahahaha..and SSS. I'll be so dead.if I go for triple S, it's 5-6pm. I dont mind going.. but I dont wanna stay in dat school until 5pm just for it..sickening leh. I've nth to do within dat 3hrs. stone there for 3 hours? Nahz.

14 of July-went for school. My name was announced in front of all J1 dat I pon SSS!!Oh my goodness. Don need to be so extreme bahx, uncle. chill man. Dat teacher was super angry lo. Asked me to stay from 5-7pm after school. Actually, I planned to go for SSS today..cuz I've tennis until 5pm ma..sob..coach din come today..so we played doubles among ourselves.. fun sia.. mini tennis like more fun leh..cuz don hafta run all ard the whole court..haha..after 5pm, they were still practicing! I wouldnt wanna leave if it was not for the sake of SSS!!!! Sigh.. I left at 5:15pm..sigh.
everything after dat was like so dramatic man. Dat SSS teacher cum phy teacher cum former Zhenghua Sec sch teacher came and talk to me!!! At first he asked me why I was late for sch on thurs. everything I ans screwed up everything man.. I told him I was sick. He asked me whether did I came to school on wed. I said no.. den dunno how he linked to mon and tue, I said I was absent too.. I told him I was sick, I got mc and my parents were aware of it. These 3 big lies were to protect me from being receiving the consequences of truancy. Bo bian leh. But everything he asked after dat, I answered truthfully.. I was so emotional dat I cried out man!. And he said he'll inform my dad abt it!!! Sigh.. how? Wad to do? My dad will surely be devastated after knowing I've not been going to school one ma.. who cares how the teacher felt abt me poning sch, I care abt the feeling of my dad. U might say, if this's the case, why do I still pon? I really dont wanna go to sch! U know, the teacher confiscated my ez-link card on thurs. when he returned it to me, he saw my pic and sighed. He said, he felt sad to see my smiling/happy face last time and now, no longer like wad it was..i cried again. man, cry baby right.... Hahahahaha..after dat at 7pm..i left the school, I cried and cried throughout the walk back to the interchange, I guessed I walked for like abt 30mins. Usually, it'll take me 13 mins(cuz I wanna leave dat place asap ma)..when I queued in the 963 lane, I saw hafeez in the 161 lane. I tot he pon soccer training? Anyway, he asked me why am I so sad.. I wasn't crying anymore at dat time..den I told him why la.. I wasnt thinking too much dat time, I kept saying I dont wanna to go sch! And I cried out man. Come to think of it, quite paiseh leh, cuz there's a lot of ppl queuing there ma.. yupp. Was crying and crying non-stop throughout the bus ride. I din cared how those ppl looked at me. I tried to stop but I cant. They just rolled down my cheeks like no body's business. I closed my eyes, tears could still squeeze their way out. No appetite dat day. When my dad came back home dat night, I looked at him, he smiled at me. It has been ages since he last paused his way back to his room to spend a few secs looking right into my eyes and giving me his charming smile. But in my mind was all those different outcomes when he know of the truth. My sis asked me wad happened due to my sad countenance too. I really cant tell her wad happened. She asked me to go to sch everyday on mon. but I failed.. SORRY for the disappointment. But I'll stay firm to my decision.

15th of July-woke up by my dad. Felt like crap still. im Useless, a letdown to my parents. But I wouldnt excel in JC and wad's the point? Im rotting to a bad person in dat place. I begged for ur forgiveness even in my dreams, dad. The first thing he did was dat he passed me a muffin, he said I could eat this if im hungry now. If not I could wait till 11:30pm for lunch. Sob!! Save me! I wouldnt bear to see his heart broken. When his hp has a msg, and he din noticed it, I passed it to him. I looked at his face, I just wouldnt bear to hurt him. I didnt know wad to do. Stress man. Msg Cecilia, asked her to take me out for a movie. When I was abt to leave the hse, he asked me whether did I asked President lai abt the requirements for entering into BYU after my 1st year in JC. I told him dat I'll tell him my plans tonight when I get back. Oh dear.... The time has come!! When I got back home, he quickly switched off the tv, asked my wad's my plan? I was shocked! But I still hafta face this ultimately. I started saying I dont wanna study in dat sch anymore. And blahx blahx lo. He asked me why and I gave him part of the reason. He started to find me ridiculous and immature and was getting agitated. I starting to get disappointed and said a prayer in my heart to ask heavenly father to help me soften his heart and to calm down a little bit, and to be able to understand why am I doing this. after dat, I've been crying a lot but this time, without all those severe hiccuping. My tears were just kept rolling down one after another and dripped down of my chin and wetted my shirt. oh dear, I was thinking maybe my dad wouldnt allow me to quit sch. But I was wrong, he said, if dont wanna go den dont go lor! Den he asked me wad do I wanna do if im not studying in dat sch anymore? I told him I would wanna go BYU very much as the rest of the family does. But im just not prepare yet. I've no passion for studies and motivation now. I might not be able to perform well in BYU. I said I would like to go poly next yr and hopefully do well and fight back my long lost passion towards studying for maybe 1 yr before I leave for BYU. everything might perhaps be easier for me bahx. he agreed to it wor!!!!!!!!!!!! Am I dreaming!!??!?!?!???!???!???!??
But he told me not to run away from problems, shld solve it instead. Cuz there'll be lotsa problems coming up when I've established my future family. Oh my goodness, everytime im dad lectured me, he'll always link to my future family.. sigh.

After dat, I gave myself a big smile.

(^______________________________________^,)
It has been so long since I've been so happy.

Dat's night, hafeez msg me whether am I really leaving sch. I finally can tell him YES! Sometime next week. Asap. :D
And u know wad, he apologized to me. I was puzzled. And ask why. This was how he replied:

Hmmm. I dunno leh. Just wanna say sorry ba. Everytime make fun of you.. maybe got hurt you in the process. But it's not intentional ba. Sorry horh. I also feel bad lah. You know your pw group. About you and wen chong. I should have taken a stand ba. To see him pushing every blame to you, see his face black black, I should have speak up more for you. I thought things were going to get better. But when I saw you cry that night, I felt very sad lorh. I dunno leh. I just wanna say sorry because I didn't really do my part as your classmate.

You know I was extremely touched after reading dat. I cried AGAIn. sigh. U know his not in my pw group and he told me this.. he's one true friend I've known in sch bahx. but we weren't very close though. And u know he's a malay and he will use 'ba' and quite a lot of other stuffs..funny leh..
There's another msg from him too!

It says:

Ah pin, once you have made up your mind, move forward and dun look back. If this is what you really want, go for it yah. Be sure. Even tho I'd like you to stay, you'll still have my support. Ah pin jiayou.

Sob sob. He'll be one friend dat I'll miss most after I've left. U know, during our sch's flag day, he accompanied me to go to RJ..tgt with another guy also la.. and none of us has been there before, and we stood outside RI thinking it was RJ and he shouted onson's name aloud sia.. hahaha..but in the end we managed to get to the main entrance of RJ. Hafeez has left me some sweet memories of my life in IJ. THANKS WOR, and I wish him good luck with chang jin(his wife..hahahahaha)..and I told him my boyfriend is Jay Chou somemore.. ya ya, we wish..hahaha..

16th of July- church lo.. I gave a talk..simple yet everyone said it's a good talk.. the truth is I don't think it's a very good talk la.. I din really prepared it.. cuz I've been bothered with stuffs for a very long time..but it's ALL OVER now!!

17th of July- I went to np make some clarifications.. and u know wad.. I looked into the net for a brief overview of each courses available in np except most of the engineering and science courses. I think I have most interest in Business studies and early childhood for the time being.. but dat super enthu lady in the admin office told me dat business studies was very hot during 2006's intake sia..and the cut off point went to as low as 13 pts!! My dear.. my score is 14 sia.. but I told her I got 15.. den early childhood was 15..she said it's too risky..i shld go for those 17-20 pts..sian diao.. how would I know sia..the net din say anything abt it.. and she added dat they'll give higher chances to those who're taking o levels this yr.. SOB!!! Sigh.. nvm la.. I've not yet comfirm with wad I truly want.. there's still some time until their open hse.. don't be discouraged kie! Went to sister soh's hse to help my sis in giving tuition to Aubrey..haha..quite an refreshing experience..u know, I don't find it difficult when Im explaining to my friends last time.. but I find it hard to explain to her..she's in pri 5.. but after dat, my sis said I have the potential wor.. really? Hahahahaha.. I love teaching maths!!

18 of July- went to sch to get my withdrawal form.. my teacher supported my decision wor.. im hapy happy happy.. thank you.. I really need dat.. nevertheless, IM OUT OF THE PLACE! and I've been blogging all these entries..cracking my head so recall wad has happened..haha.. so happy since sat. but due to some things, im still quite sad though.. hmmm.. I'll talk abt it tmr bahx..

Church stuffs

The positive qualities that Thomas once told me of was that i can be able to make ppl laugh.
i can still rmb vivdly that he took me out for a date to chijmes for a dinner and after that we took a trishaw to the sg river..haha. then he told me what he had observe of me during his stay in sg. i was shocked man! lucky i was still quite guai lo. haha.

he said that i made my friends around me happy and laughing all the way. and that im smiling all the time. always so cheerful. could get over something within a blink of an eye! could even brighten someone elses day wor. dat was 10th of Aug 05. so if u have any objections to it, chill man. it's last yr's stuffs

he said that dat was my talent. i guess i've lost my talent.

how can i continue to develop these gifts and use them to serve my family and others:

• identify who's gloomy and offer an listening ear or talk to that person
• make her feel happy
• care for her
• help her if she needs help
• include her in everything
• be happy
• be a shining star
• be a person dat would inspire those who's in need of inspirations

this is painful man..i find it hard to stay happy sia..how to..........

The importance of learning and of preparation.

List of hopes and dreams for my future home, family, and education and some impt things I would like to accomplish in life:
- Married in the Lord's temple
- I hope to have 6 beautiful kids
-Loving husband (someone like Jake in Just my Luck, haha)
-I would like to stay in a penthouse :)
-I would like my future home to be bright and windy
- Nice view (sea view? Haha)
- I wish my family would be happy always
-Blissfulness and happiness in the air
- No worries (harkuna murtata (spelling not right) - Lion King)
- Active in the church
- Keep the commandments
- Loving parents and to have obedient children :)
- Have lotsa quality time with each other
- Safety and good health shines upon us
- Stable income
- Could go on vacation at times! (Despite a family of 8!)
- Could afford to have a small corner for pets! (6 cute bunnies)
- Nice decorations, comfortable environment, conducive
- Peaceful
- Please bless me with normal kids (even if it's not, please bless me that I’ll love them as well)
- Bless my children that they would receive proper education
- Pro in Tennis, volleyball, etc
- Treasure each other
- They'll grow up to be righteous adults
- They'll Enter into BYU
- They'll Serve a mission
- They could all get married happily ever after in the temple
- Could become good parents too!
- Hope we could all be sealed together in the temple
- No hard feelings/no conflicts/no arguments/no unhappy moments
(And the list goes on....)


A plan to achievement! :
- Develop princess-like qualities (so that I could catch a Prince!)
- Quit my job and become a full-time housewife
- Be able to give and take
- Set good examples
- Be understanding
- Learn how to cook, sew, manage household chores, etc
- Be fun, loving, caring, whatever personalities that requires of a mom
- Be able to solve their problems if they need my help
- Be more gentle and loving
- Be aware of their situations/feelings
- Nurture them to what is expected of them
- Exercise good qualities
- Learn how to be a good mother and supportive wife
- Could be able to bring happiness to everyone
- Be more enthu!
- Develop good judgment skills (to know what's best for the family)
- Stay away from evil
- Be able to make plans and stick with it (financial plans, etc)
- Be a peacemaker
- Teach them to be independent
- Do not neglect them
- Teach them to choose the right
- Be obedient to my husband (but of course not literally)
- Make preparations and not do things last minute
- Could be able to balance my lifestyle (be it with family or friends)
- Be active in church!
- Show appreciation in family efforts
- Offer help if they're in need of any
- Be a supermom :)
- Teach them tennis :)
- Develop Christ-like qualities both in them and in me
- Know them well
- Be aware of the things that my husband don’t like me to do
- Carry out family outings!
- Make home a happy place to be!!
(And the list goes on....)

like abit impossible ar...haha. nvm la.. no harm making a list of wad i wished for. just try to do whatever that is within my reach. aja aja fighting!

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
today's HOT man. >.<

but saw quite alot of cute guys. haha. and pretty girls also la. wa, there's one who's quite pretty, fr rj. saw afew more from scgs. cute guys of course from acs la.haha, where else... kie la. pj, sa also got.


went to cine to watch just my luck. was late for the movie again, sian. i guess i missed 5 mins? probably. chris/jake was so cute!!!!! my ideal lover. (DREAM ON MAN!) he's nice, sweet, cute, shuai, ..., i just love him in dat show. this movie has exceeded my expectation. loved it. probably my fav movie for the first half of the month. RECOMMENDED! dont mind going for second time. but no money la. hehx. totally enjoyed watching, it's hilarious and touching. but abit, OVER. where got ppl hse flood until like dat one. still got quite alot. haha. but it's still good!


but was quite sad while watching the movie. enola again. probably could get someone to watch it with me. but i dunno why. i can accept reasons like no money or no time or timing isnt dat favourable. but!!! u know wad... he went to watch it with his friend cuz he's friend wanted to watch. i think i kinda like waited for it since late april or may? it's the one movie i've waited so impatiently. dont i wanna watch it too? wdv. i couldnt explain how hurt i felt. but it's quite ridiculous for me to act this way la. afterall, small matter only. so i'll just accept the fact. im enola. one day, u'll find me super zi bi. hahahahaha.

sis will be back in 20 hours time! this time is for real.